


Already dead.

by Wendihomo



Series: The Mind’s Eye [2]
Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Ben Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Death, Emotional, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fear, Grief, Isolation, Loneliness, Mourning, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-04 05:32:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18337175
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wendihomo/pseuds/Wendihomo
Summary: “Everyone I like is already dead.”There wasn’t a moment of realisation for Ben, but rather the confirmation of what he’d been thinking all along. Diego didn’t miss him, none of them really did. His death wasn’t something to avenge, it wasn’t a driving force for them to do better. It was something they spoke about in hushed tones, huddled together in little pairs as if they thought the mere mention of his name would bring about destruction.





	Already dead.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the second part of my miniseries. Again I don’t believe there is any triggering language or actions throughout this piece but if I am wrong please tell me so I can add a warning.
> 
> As always thoughts and feedback are greatly appreciated.

“Everyone I like is already dead.”

There wasn’t a moment of realisation for Ben, but rather the confirmation of what he’d been thinking all along. Diego didn’t miss him, none of them really did. His death wasn’t something to avenge, it wasn’t a driving force for them to do better. It was something they spoke about in hushed tones, huddled together in little pairs as if they thought the mere mention of his name would bring about destruction.

Ben was hurting, a deep ache in his chest that he hadn’t experienced in so long. It wasn’t the same pain as when he was with Klaus, it wasn’t the resentful stabs in his gut as he watched his brother down another drink, laugh and dance his way through another night. This was an ache, a dull pain that had begun to blossom.  
Diego didn’t really miss him.  
Diego hadn’t ever uttered his name in years. It was as if he’d completely forgotten about him, as if they were never bound together at all.

Ben pushed himself up, ignoring the sad smile Klaus tried to throw in his direction and stalked through the wall.  
It was drizzling outside, but it didn’t matter much to a ghost. Ben couldn’t feel it.  
Growing up he’d been closest with Klaus. The other had always been so loud and flamboyant, it made it a little easier to slip between the cracks, piggyback Klaus’ highs and comfort him in his lows.  
But he and Diego had gotten along. Not amazing, there’d been the odd scuffle between training and the occasional shouting match in the yard but nothing had ever felt angry. The two would settle back into a familiar friendship shortly after. They always made up.

Ben had begun to pace around the roof, trying desperately to justify everything.  
Were his siblings ashamed of how he’d die? Why did nobody want to talk about him? Talk to him? It wasn’t as if they couldn’t. They all knew Klaus could talk to the dead.  
Ben wasn’t sure what he hated more, an absence of trying on their part or the fact even now, after so long, how much it still hurt to know he was kept hidden like a family secret.

It was an intense loneliness that seemed to grow, creeping up each of his limbs and digging deep into his skin.  
He had nowhere to go. There was no greater stage, no progress in the afterlife. He was caught between worlds, unable to scream for help. In that split instance there was a burning want to be held by Mom and told that there was something more for him.


End file.
